I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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