he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have fence marks all over my body
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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