If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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