sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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