then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
