I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
