I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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