Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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