It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
