My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
