You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
