I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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