respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
