I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
