The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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