It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
