Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
