I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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