You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
