I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
