There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
