Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
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