Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
