My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
