I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
