She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
