you mean i was at the winter classic?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
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