We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
