My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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