i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
she looked like the before picture.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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