yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
