Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
