I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
