She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
