At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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