If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
