his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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