small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
