Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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