i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
