Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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