Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
