Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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