i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
we're so committed to being not committed
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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