let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
