I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
