As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
