While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
