Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
