you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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