I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
