You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Randomize
