My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
