In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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