he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
