i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Randomize
