Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
whose parrot is this?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
