Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
