i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
